How to Get the Most Bang for Your Buck at the Bar

It's Friday afternoon again and you're looking at another boring night playing Halo and hoping that your mom doesn't call and ask you how you did on your Physics test.

But you're in college, aren't you? You've got freedom! You can do what you want as late as you want!

Oh. There's a problem. You've also got only $68.00 in your checking account.

It's a dilemma almost all college students have faced from time to time. Do you save your money and lose out on those few fleeting weekends you have with your friends before you have to graduate and sit in a cubicle for the next 40 years? Or do you rack up charge after charge on your credit card and graduate with more debt than a small African country.

Answer: neither.

Before I begin, let me express a few thoughts and opinions. My advice is not meant to teach people how to get drunk (who needs taught anyway?). I'm not advocating irresponsible behavior (It's going to happen whether I approve or not though, right?). Instead, let me give you a few tips that I've found useful when I find myself cash strapped and looking to enjoy a good Friday with friends.

1. Start expensive. Wait, what? Expensive? I don't want to see this word. I wanna talk CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP. Listen. Let's pretend you arrive sober. Totally stone cold sober. Why taint your delicate taste buds right off the bat by pouring a double shot of Banker's Club down your gullet? I say nay. Treat yourself to a nice mixed drink or a hearty beer. Stick with the name brands for now. This first drink should be a flavor filled experience. Start with something strong and delicious. Sip, don't chug.

2. Make a choice: Liquor before beer, you're in the clear. Beer before liquor, never been sicker. It's the college student's version of an old wives tale. I say that before you really set out to hit the bar again after that first drink, make a choice. Feeling liquor tonight? Fine, take that road. More of a beer person? There's plenty of choices out there. Whatever one you choose, my advice still applies.

3. Tighten that wallet: Finalllyyyy. Here's what I want. Let's talk maximum booze for minimum cash. You've had your good first drink and you're feeling just a bit warm inside. Let's talk economics. I've heard that some bars water down their mixed drinks but I've never seen it happening, so don't be afraid to try one from time to time. Here's my advice though: avoid big fruity mixed drinks. You're paying for a whole lot of ice and pineapple juice, and who goes to the bar for juice? What is it, nap time after recess? If you want a mixed drink, go with rum and cokes or vodka tonics or things of that nature. Now let's talk beer. This is the most open time for you beer drinkers. As long as you leave expensive imports behind, you're in open season. Miller light? Sure, why not. Yuengling? Pop that cap off and slide it down. Find the domestic brews, get a few bottles, and flirt with that attractive bartender.

4. Get creative: Creative? After a few beers and mixed drinks, sure. Everyones creative then. Your couple mixed drinks and beers are starting to add up to more than you expected and you're still more sober than anyone else in the bar. What now? Let's talk beer drinkers first this time. My advice is simple and only one word. Pitchers. Pitchers are great because at most bars you're getting a decent deal on beer. You can often squeeze about one free beer in there compared to buying bottles. And when you go up to order that pitcher, order cheap. I know bars that offer Natty Light on tap for $5 dollars. Hit that up. Now for the liquor crowd, and Lil' Jon has already covered my tip here: Shots. Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots. But before you grab your wallet and hustle on up to get a Washington Apple or Pineapple Upside-down, stop. Like big fruity mixed drinks you'll get a lot in this shot that won't help you think you're dancing any better. Order tequila shots, vodka shots, rum shots, anything. Point to the well and tell them to pour something in a shot glass. You're easily getting the most bang for your buck.

So, college students (and anyone else), if you follow my advice you'll be able to maximize your fun for just a small amount of money. Take care happy drinkers, and be safe.